The Choice
by turniphead815
Summary: Post rescue. Kate is engaged to Jack, so why does she still have feelings for Sawyer? JateSkate My first fic, let me know if I should continue!
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** The Choice

**Rating:** I'll give it PG-13 for now

**Background:** Post season three (If Charlie had gotten out of the hatch alive ;-) ) Post rescue.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

**Authors note:** This is my first fic, so please be kind. Any and all feedback is great!

_She's the only love I've known_

_And now, she's gone away._

_She's the light that brought me to the edge,_

_Will I ever love again?_

Kate Austen woke up in an unfamiliar bed with sunlight pouring in all around her. She sat up, startled, and looked around. The bed next to her was empty, but she could hear the faint sound of someone whistling in the next room. In an instant, it all came rushing back to her. Feeling ashamed, Kate got out of bed and dressed quickly. As she was making her way into the room where she knew he was, she tried to convince herself that it wasn't as bad as she thought. "He's just an old friend," Kate told herself. "Jack would understand. He always did." But who was she kidding? Would Jack, her fiancée, the man who was quite possibly the love of her life, really understand that the night of their engagement, she left town to go sleep with Sawyer, just because running was always her first instinct? No, he wouldn't.

"Well, good morning Freckles," Sawyer said from the stove. "Made you some waffles."

"Sawyer, I can't..." Kate couldn't find the words to tell him that she had to leave. He looked so happy right now, and she couldn't tear him down, like she had done almost a year ago, when she told him that she didn't think they should have a relationship off the island. They'd tried, sure, but in the end, Kate had realized that they didn't have as much in common as they had once thought.

"What's wrong?" Sawyer asked, walking closer to her. Kate pulled her ring out of the pocket of her jeans and put it back on her finger.

"I'm engaged. This is wrong. I... I really have to leave," Kate replied, and she could feel tears welling up in her eyes.

"Who's the guy?"

"Sawyer."

"Who's the guy?"

"Does that really mat-"

"Who's the guy Kate? It's Jack isn't it?" Kate didn't respond, and he took her silence as a 'Yes'. "Son of a bitch," Sawyer said under his breath. "You and the Doc really getting hitched?"

"He won't like it if I'm here." was all Kate said. "I should just go."

"Yeah, I guess you'd better," Sawyer snapped, glaring at her. Kate looked at Sawyer, daring herself to meet his eyes for the first time today. "Go, Kate. Get outta here!" Sawyer yelled. Kate still flinched a little whenever he called her by her real name. As she walked out the door, slamming it shut behind her, she wondered briefly if she'd made the right choice leaving him. With him, she felt comfortable, like he understood her completely. With Jack, she had a stable life, but was that really what she needed? After all, the night he proposed to her, she'd driven an hour and a half, just to see Sawyer, whom she hadn't spoken to in 11 months. Even though it had been that long since they last spoke, Sawyer still took her in like no time had passed at all. But she had made a choice, right? When she said she would marry Jack, and again when she left Sawyer behind, she knew what she was doing, and all signs pointed to Jack.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **The Choice

**Rating: **PG-13

**Disclaimer: **Characters belong to ABC.

**Author's Note: **I know it's a little short, I'm sorry. The next one will be longer I promise!!

_So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered  
And I can't explain what happened  
And I can't erase the things that I've done._

"Kate? You alright?" Kate heard Jack's voice drift down the hallway to where she was sitting on the floor of the bathroom. This was the third day in a row that she'd been sick. "If we're going to go look at halls today we have to leave now." His voice was closer now, but Kate didn't trust herself to speak just yet. Today was supposed to be a big day, she and Jack would go look at reception halls, then after she, Claire, and Sun would go look at wedding gowns and bridesmaids dresses. They had decided to get married on September 22nd, which would be the two year anniversary of the crash, and the day they met.

"I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute." Kate stood up and leaned on the sink for support. She couldn't be pregnant. There was no way.

"Kate?" Jack opened the door to bathroom now, growing impatient. "We have to leave now."

"Actually," Kate said quickly, "I'm not feeling so well. Maybe we should just reschedule?"

"What's wrong?" Jack asked, concern filling his face.

"I'm sure it's nothing, a virus probably. I'll just go to the doctor to make sure and we can do this next weekend. OK?" Kate felt bad about lying, and she was almost positive Jack could see that whatever this was, it wasn't nothing.

"OK," Jack said slowly, "I'll call Claire and Sun."

"Great, thanks." As Jack closed the door behind him, Kate reached for her cell phone to make a doctors appointment.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

In the waiting room, Kate found herself wishing that she hadn't come here alone. She wanted somebody, anybody to be with her.

"Katherine Austen?" Kate rose from her chair and followed the nurse down the narrow hall to the room. "So what brings you here today?" Kate didn't respond right away.

"I think I might have a virus?" It came out more as a question then a statement.

"What kind of virus?" The nurse asked patiently, as if she were talking to a small child.

"I've been sick...mostly in the mornings for a few days."

"Is there a possibility that you could be pregnant?"

"No." Kate answered much too quickly. After a moment she back tracked a little, "Well, I guess there is a chance." Saying the words made it feel all too real. Even if the baby was Jacks, how could she, Kate Austen, murderer and criminal, be a good mother?

"Well here, take this." The nurse passed Kate a pregnancy test and smiled. "There's a bathroom down the hall."

It felt like an eternity had passed before the nurse came back with the pregnancy test results. "Congratulations, Ms. Austen. You're going to be a mother."


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:**The Choice

**Rating:** PG-13

**Disclaimer:**I don't own LOST, but I wish I did.

**Author's Note: **Sorry the ending to this chapter is not great, but I'll try to have the next one up soon. Originally this was going to be five chapters, but I might make it more.

_And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed,  
They don't know my head is a mess,  
No, they don't know who I really am._

"Kate! How did things go at the doctors?" Kate felt bad about lying to him, she really did, but how could she tell him the truth? She was pregnant. The doctor had estimated she was eight weeks along, and eight weeks ago she and Jack had gotten engaged. Eight weeks ago she'd gone to see Sawyer. Eight weeks ago she'd made a mistake that could very well change her life forever.

"Kate?"

"Sorry," Kate responded. "I just zoned out for a second."

"That's OK," Jack said with a laugh. "But what did the doctor say?"

"She said..." She was unsure of how to finish the sentence. "She told me that I'm pregnant, Jack." Kate held her breath and waited for his response. Would he be angry? Happy? Could he do the math right now and realize that eight weeks ago he had worked the entire weekend and barely even saw Kate except for when he proposed?

"You're... pregnant?" Kate nodded, but didn't trust her voice to reply.

"Are you upset?"

"Upset?" Jack repeated. "Why in the world would I be upset?"

"The wedding. We are supposed to get married in seven months. I'll be having the baby then."

"We can postpone the wedding, Kate. I'm going to be a father!" Kate felt a smile forming across her face even though she knew it wasn't over yet. Not even close.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"The truth is," Kate said, her voice shaking, "I was with another man, Sawyer, when I got pregnant."

"Are you sure?" Claire wasn't being at all judgmental, but Kate knew she wouldn't be. That's why she decided to tell her and Sun first, before she decided what to do about Jack.

"Pretty sure," Kate replied. "I guess I can't be totally positive until the baby's born though." Kate's best friends said nothing now, they just sat across the table and looked everywhere but at Kate. "Do you think I should tell Jack?"

"Maybe you should tell Sawyer," Sun offered. Sawyer. Kate had been so worried about what Jack would think when he found out that she hadn't thought of Sawyer at all.

"The baby could be Jack's," Kate said, suddenly backtracking. "I just assumed it was Sawyer's but it might not be."

"Right," Claire said softly, "It probably is Jack's."

"Thanks for your help," Kate said as she got up from the table.

"What are you going to do?" Asked Sun.

"I was probably just overreacting," Kate said confidently. "I'm just going to go home and start picking out baby names." She laughed, but her laugh sounded hollow and fake to her own ears, and neither Claire nor Sun were laughing with her. "Everything is going to be fine," Kate said, but she was saying it more for her benefit then for her friends. "Don't worry about it."

"Yeah... I should be getting back home now anyway. Aaron wasn't feeling good this morning." Claire stood up from the table too, and Sun followed.

"Yes. Jin has never been alone with the baby before," Sun said, although she kept her eyes on Kate, silently asking if she needed any more help. Kate refused to return these glances, and instead left the restaurant without saying another word.

Kate sat behind the wheel of her car, and felt the familiar burning behind her eyes that she got just before she started to cry. She didn't know where she would go, but she didn't want to go home yet. As she started to drive aimlessly, she briefly thought about life would be like if she went back to Sawyer. He would run, she decided. He would run just like she was doing now, and like they had both done in the past. But what if he didn't? Armed with a sudden sense of purpose, Kate began driving the route she knew so well.

She knocked on the door three times, and listened. Nothing. There was no car in the driveway, and the garage was closed. At the house next door, an older woman was watering her garden.

"Excuse me!" Kate called to the woman. "Do you know about the man who lives here?"

"Ford? I know nothing. He hasn't been around in awhile though."

"How long?" This news made her frantic. If he wasn't here, where would he have gone?

"I don't know. A month maybe? He comes and goes, just haven't seen him lately."

"Thanks," Kate said. She headed back to her car, unsure of what to do next. As she left the town, she saw a small bar, with only a few cars in the parking lot. It was the middle of the day after all. She didn't want to drink, just sit for a few minutes. It was loud and smoky, like she had expected it to be. She plopped down on a stool and the bartender grinned at her.

"First ones on the house, beautiful."

"Water's fine, thanks." Kate looked around. There was only one other person here. He was sitting at the other end of the bar with his head down.

"Sawyer?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **The Choice

**Rating: **PG-13

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing, as always.

_Go ahead tell me you'll leave again  
You'll just come back running  
Holding your scarred heart in hand  
It's all the same _

He turned to look at her, his dirty blond hair falling into his eyes. "Hey Freckles."

"Hey," Kate smiled, knowing that he was alright, and not dead somewhere. "What have you been up to lately?"

"Is there something you want from me Freckles?"

"No," She responded quickly. "But I do want to talk to you."

"You gonna ask me to be the best man?"

"What?"

"At your wedding. Are you gonna ask me to be the best man?" Sawyer cracked a smile to show he was joking, and that made her roll her eyes and laugh.

"Can we go somewhere?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Back at Sawyer's house, Kate felt awkward. She remembered the last time she was here, the way he had looked at her when she left. She wasn't supposed to be there then, and she wasn't supposed to be here now. "So what's goin' on?" Sawyer asked.

"There's something you need to know." Kate said quietly. Sawyer didn't reply, so she took that as a sign that she should continue. "I'm pregnant, James. And I'm pretty sure it's yours." When she finally dared herself to look up, she saw the slight look of fear in his eyes. It was something she'd rarely seen on the island, and seeing him scared made her a little afraid too.

"Get out."

"What?" Of all the things Kate had thought Sawyer might say, this was not one of them. She wasn't sure what she _wanted _him to say, but really anything else would have been better.

"I said get outta here Kate. Go back to Jack, tell him it's his kid." Sawyer said, his words biting, and he turned away from her in disgust. Kate could do nothing but stare at him. How could he do this to her? She found herself thinking for the first time that she had made the wrong choice leaving Sawyer behind two months ago. She wanted more then anything to stay here, and not go back to Jack.

"Why are you being like this?" Sawyer didn't respond, instead he walked into his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him. Kate stayed seated, unsure of what to do. She waited a few more moments before giving up and walking back to her car.

"Kate, I picked up this pregnancy book while I was out today, I thought you might want to read it." She smiled at how sweet he was being.

"Thanks."

"So how was lunch? You were gone awhile, did you go out shopping too?" Kate barely heard the question, her mind was still so cluttered with what had happened with Sawyer. Somehow, in the back of her mind, she had trusted that no matter what happened, Sawyer would always love her. They had been together on the island, and at one time Kate thought that was the only thing they had in common, but maybe that wasn't true.

"Yes," Kate fibbed. It was easier to lie to him then it would be to tell him the truth about where she had been.

"How do you feel?" _Horrible_, Kate answered silently. Jack had really been great since he'd found out about her pregnancy, he made an effort not to work as much or so late anymore.

"Better. No morning sickness today." Kate forced a weak smile and wondered if Jack could tell that it was fake. She guessed that Sawyer could, although maybe she was just kidding herself.

"Good. Listen, I was thinking, a tiny apartment in LA isn't a great place to raise a baby. What do you think if we started looking at houses in suburbs?" Houses in suburbs. Kate didn't really want a house in a suburb. She didn't really want a baby either, and in her heart she felt that she did not want to be engaged to Jack.

"I think... I don't know."

"Kate... is something wrong?" _It took you long enough to catch on,_ Kate thought. _Try everything._

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not. Everything is going to be alright, just tell me what's bothering you." She was sick of his heroic 'I can save everyone' attitude. She was sick of him in general. She thought about telling him that she was leaving him, but she didn't.

"Nothing is bothering me OK? Just leave me alone for awhile," She spat. Jack looked as if Kate had just reached out and slapped him across the face. Normally she would have apologized, but she didn't today. Instead, she just walked to their bedroom, shutting the door firmly behind her, just like Sawyer had done to her less then two hours ago.

As they ate dinner, the apartment was dead silent. Things had been awkward between them since Kate's outburst the day before, but that didn't stop Jack from taking the day off of work, making her breakfast in bed, and now cooking her dinner. Kate carefully cut her chicken, her eyes focused on it so she wouldn't have to look anywhere else. She finally looked up as she saw him slide something under her place mat.

"What's this?"

"I know you haven't been feeling good lately, so I thought I'd take you some place. What do you think of going to Hawaii for a week?" Kate considered telling him no, which last night she would have done without thinking. Today, however, she thought that getting away might help them reconnect. After all, staying with Jack would easily give the baby a better life then with Sawyer, where things would constantly be unstable.

"I think it sounds great." She smiled at her husband, knowing full well that she was in love with another man.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: **The Choice

**Rated: **PG-13

**Disclaimer: **I do not own LOST

**Author's Note: **I think this is probably it for this fic, but I might do a sequel, what does everyone think?

_How will we connect these hearts?_

_Are you somewhere near, hidden like a four leaf clover?_

_Are you miles away?_

_Are we getting any closer?_

Kate ran her hands over her large belly and smiled. She was now over seven months pregnant, and getting more and more excited as the days passed. Spending a week in Hawaii was exactly what she needed. Maybe she wasn't completely happy being with Jack, but it was definitely the easier decision to stay with him. She hadn't seen or talked to Sawyer since the day she'd told him that she was pregnant, and he'd never called so she figured that is how he wanted it.

"I really love this house," Claire said, shifting the now nearly two year old Aaron to her other arm.

"Yeah its great," Charlie agreed, putting his arm around Claire. Sun and Jin had also come by the new house that Jack and Kate had recently bought. It was like a little house warming party. Sun and Jin's daughter Hea had just turned one year old. Kate couldn't wait until she had her own baby that could run and play with them.

"It will be even better after the baby shower tomorrow when we have stuff to put in the nursery." Jack said with a laugh. Kate and Claire exchanged a quick glance before Kate moved into the kitchen to get snacks. Sun and Claire were the only people outside of herself and Sawyer who knew about the baby's true paternity. While they had both been extremely supportive throughout the pregnancy, Kate couldn't help but get the feeling that they thought she was making the wrong decision. But what did they want her to do? She had gone to Sawyer, and he'd sent her away. She was making things work with Jack for the sake of her child, so they should be happy with her. Kate heard the door to the kitchen open and she turned around.

"Do you need any help?" Claire asked. Kate picked up a bag of chips and a tray of sandwiches and shook her head.

"No, thanks."

"I can't believe you're going to have a baby in a few months," Claire said, smiling.

"I know," Kate replied. "It is pretty amazing."

"Did you talk to Jack about...?" Claire trailed off, but she didn't need to finish her sentence.

"No," Kate said immediately looking away. "Why would I?"

"You should at least tell him. Knowing Jack he'll probably just be mad for a few weeks then forget."

"No, because this what he thinks is his child. If I tell him the truth he'll be crushed. This is so much bigger then some stupid fight," Kate snapped. Claire was quiet, and Kate felt bad. "Sorry, it's just... I can't tell him OK? I can't." Claire just nodded and took the tray from Kate's hands.

"Let's go."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Jack had to work all through the baby shower, which wasn't a huge problem, considering it was all women anyway. Kate was standing in the now nearly completely furnished nursery looking at every thing. She had received a crib and a changing table, as well as multiple stuffed animals and outfits. Looking at the books that filled the bookshelf made her think of Sawyer and how much he read on the island. She imagined him reading to their baby. It was a nice image. Kate didn't even hear the front door open, or Jack come in and stand behind her.

"Wow, you really got a lot." Kate just nodded, and she felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. Maybe Sawyer didn't love her any more, and maybe he wasn't ready to be a father, but she knew from that moment that she couldn't lie any more. She could raise this baby on her own, but she couldn't, or wouldn't, do it with Jack.

"I'm sorry," Kate said, turning to face her husband.

"For what?" Jack asked, totally oblivious to what she was about to tell him.

"The baby isn't yours." Jack's face went from shock, to a hint of anger to just sadness.

"Then who?" Kate just shook her head.

"I have to go. I'm sorry." She moved past him, sobbing as he tried to grab her and hold her back.

"No, you aren't leaving. Stay here, and we can fix this. I know we can."

"No, you can't." And with that she walked out of the house, leaving him behind for good.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

She found herself outside Charlie and Claire's apartment at 10 pm. She had no clothes, or anything, and she wasn't sure she was ready to face Sawyer again. Charlie came to the door, dressed in an old Driveshaft T-Shirt.

"Hey Charlie. Is Claire around?"

"No," Charlie replied. "She'd out driving with Aaron, he can't fall asleep. Is there anything I can help you with?"

"I don't know," Kate answered. "Can I stay here tonight?" Charlie nodded, and without asking any questions, fixed her a glass of water and a plate of toast. Within minutes, Kate found herself retelling the entire story to him, starting with the night she and Jack got engaged. He sat back and listened, nodding along before he finally spoke.

"Well, why are you wasting time here then? I mean, you can stay if you'd like, but knowing Sawyer, he's not going to wait forever." Kate pondered this for a moment before standing.

"You're right. Thank you."

"No problem, that's what I'm here for." Kate said goodbye quickly before leaving the apartment and hurrying back to her car. She passed Claire holding her young son in the hallway.

"Kate? What are-"

"I can't talk now, but I'll call in the morning," Kate explained to an obviously confused Claire.

From the apartment, Kate drove slightly over the speed limit all the way to his house because she couldn't afford to waste another second. When she arrived, she walked right up to the door and knocked, without giving herself a chance to think about what she was doing. When he came to the door, they just stood in the dark silently for a few minutes, soaking eachother in.

"Somethin' you want Freckles?" Kate smiled a little at being called 'Freckles' again. She had missed that.

"I'm in love with you." Was all Kate said. She waited for him to slam the door in her face or kiss her. He did neither.

"I don't like to be messed with. You come and then you leave again. What do you want?"

"I want to be with you." This time Sawyer placed his hands on her face and smiled in the darkness, and kissed her passionately.

"You sure?" Sawyer asked as he pulled away.

"I'm positive." As they walked into the house together, Kate was sure that she had finally made the right choice.


End file.
